The Testimony of Darlene Thomas
Back in 1980 both my brother and sister were witnessing to me. I felt I was already a Christian. I couldn’t understand why they were telling me I was not going to heaven.
The last time I visited my sister she told me she was in counseling and taking Prozac for depression because of marital problems.
The very next day I got the news that she had taken her own life! I was devastated! I felt so guilty. I felt I should have known she was suicidal. Maybe I could have done something to prevent it. No one could console me. I would have panic attacks whenever I saw a car that looked like hers or if I got near the road she lived on. I wanted to blame someone. There are many stages of grief. At first I felt sorry for her. Then I got mad at her. I wasn’t worth being around. My poor daughters, ages 8 and 9 at the time, didn’t know how to act. I cried at the drop of a hat.
For several months I would go up to complete strangers and ask them, “Do you believe in heaven?” and “Do you believe in hell?” one day while waiting in a line at the bank I tapped on a man’s shoulder and asked him if he believed in hell. He said, “Why, do you plan on going there?” l jumped back and said “NO!”.
I drove everybody nuts. At 5:00 every day I would sit on the floor with my head in my husband’s lap. After 2 weeks, I said to him, “What is wrong with me?” He said, “Your sister called you at 5:00 every day and you talked to her while you both made dinner.” Wow! understanding that helped a lot. But I was so confused about so many things. I had studied with the Mormons, the Jehovah Witnesses and even visited a Catholic church. How could I think I was a Christian and still be searching like that? I asked my sister’s pastor, “Where is she now?” He was struggling himself because he had been counseling her and he felt like he had failed miserably. I wondered if I would ever see her again. I thought killing was one of the worst sins. The Jehovah’s Witnesses told me she took all her problems with her. Another Pastor told me that was a very selfish thing she did. I was so confused. For several months I would go up to complete strangers and ask them, “Do you believe in heaven?” and “Do you believe in hell?” one day while waiting in a line at the bank I tapped on a man’s shoulder and asked him if he believed in hell. He said, “Why, do you plan on going there?” l jumped back and said “NO!”.
He said a lot of things. Turns out he was a Pastor. After answering my questions he said, “But don’t take my word for it, read the Bible.”
Then the Pastor showed me in the Bible how to truly have salvation through grace and that it was a free gift.
I started visiting a church my brother told me about. I had been attending for about 6 months. I was still a mess. I used to visit my brother once a week. One day when I was there he told me he couldn’t help me but he knew someone who could. Then he told me he had invited the pastor over to talk to me. I was offended. But I stayed and talked to the pastor when he got there. He asked me, “If you were to die today and stand before God and He asked you “Why should l let you into my heaven?” “What would you say?” I gave the standard answer, “I’ve been good, I would never hurt anyone on purpose.”
Then the Pastor showed me in the Bible how to truly have salvation through grace and that it was a free gift. The Pastor said (A) if I believed Jesus is God’s son, was crucified, dead and buried as a penalty for my sin, (B) believed God raised Him from the dead and He is now in heaven with God the Father, and (C) if I admitted I was a sinner, confessed my sin and asked Jesus to forgive me, and asked Him to come into my heart, He would and I’d be saved.” That’s exactly what I did that day! I felt like a million pounds were taken off my shoulders. I had been trying to work my way to heaven. lt was such a relief to not have to always try to be perfect. Now I know only God is perfect. I also know I will see my sister again someday.
I am basically shy. I took Evangelism Explosion classes but it has always been very hard for me to witness. God showed me another way for me to share my faith. Now I share my faith with puppets. I also bake and decorate special cakes and cookies and attach Bible verses to them and give them out to perfect strangers around Loudon and Lenoir city. I also make balloon animals and attach Bible verses to them to hand out to people. I thank God for showing me a different way to share my faith.